When the past becomes the present
by Angel From Above Is Here
Summary: Von meets someone she hasn't seen is years. And old feelings come to the surface. Will both of them give into them? Or will they push them away as they have done before?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The first ever All Saints fic, though it sure was not my last! I will be submitting more of them! That is, if you like it! Please let me know what you think! Even if you hate it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from All Saints. Nor will I ever, I'm afraid…**

**Chapter one**

Von froze when she realized who the man in the bed was. No! It echoed through her head. She wanted to shout. She wanted to scream, she wanted to run away. But she couldn't make a sound. She could not move a muscle. She just stood there until the orderlies had wheeled the bed into the room. Then she fled to the break room.

She had to cling to the table to prevent her knees from giving in once she was inside. she felt the tears well up in her eyes, but she would not give him a chance to see them. Staying as far away as she possibly could from room six was her only option right now. She dried her eyes with a handkerchief to be sure no-one would notice she had been crying before leaving the room. If she acted normal, nobody would ever know something was wrong.

But today she was assigned rooms one and two, which meant there wasn't a lot of work to do for her. One of the two patients in room two was scheduled to go home later that morning. What would happen after he had left? She told herself not to think that far ahead; she would take that hurdle when she got there.

The rest of the morning was uneventful, and everything went smoothly. Mister Bale was discharged. His roommate was currently in theatre. So far it was an easy day. In better days Von would have said it was silence before the storm. Today it felt as extra torture that seemed to go on endlessly.

She was sitting on a bench in front of the hospital now, all alone. There was nobody else to be seen outside. And before she realized what was happening, her thought wondered back to the worst day of her live…

_It was a sunny, summer's day. The hospital was full of injured and ill soldiers. Ironic, wasn't it, how the lives of these people were so very different that you would expect when you looked out of the window and saw the clear, blue sky._

_Von walked on and off with bandages, swabs, water for patients and doctors. Her forehead was covered in sweat, and she could feel it on her back as well. She carried on non-the-less._

_Suddenly there was a lot of commotion when the doors swung open. She hurried over there to help. But she clasped her hands over her mouth. She unsteadily took a step back. That was her husband! She wanted to run over, but she was already looking after too many patients as it was. She would have to let the others take care of him, even though she was married to him._

_Her heart was pounding in her chest. What if… No, Von, do not think that! She sternly told herself. He is strong. He'll make it._

_Deep down she knew she was lying to herself. His injuries were so severe… but it was only that lie that kept her going whilst he was being operated on. Combined with the people she was taking care of, who would take her mind off of things occasionally. She spend her breaks with her colleagues, so she wouldn't have to be alone._

"_Von?" doctor Ling spoke all of a sudden._

_Von nodded and swallowed. The other got up and excused themselves, telling her they had to go back to work. Mere moments later Von and the doctor were the only ones left in the room._

"_I am so sorry, Von… but he didn't make it…. My condolences…"_

_Von jump up, pushed the doctor aside and ran towards the morgue. Patients, doctors and nurses all looked at her, but she didn't even notice. The only thing she wanted, was to be with John. One last time…_

_She pulled open the door. There, on a table, covered by a white blanket, she saw him. John. Her one and only love. All the way down here she had hoped it was just a mistake, a nightmare. Only now, seeing him like this, did she understand that she had lost him. Forever._

_She lay her head on his chest and cried. Taking his hand in hers, her warm tears fell onto his cold chest._

Tears were trailing a path down her cheeks as she sat in the sun as well. When she heard Terry call out for her, she wiped them away. Yet it was too late.

"Are you crying? Why?"

"It's nothing, okay? Never mind."

Von made her way back inside and continued with today's work. Terry shook her head, amazed at just how stubborn Von could be. But there was nothing she could do about it. So she followed Von to the Ward and began completing the paperwork.

Von filled out mister Jordan's chart. His ops were good, except for the fact he had a bit of a rash on his back. In an hour, Luke would be coming in the check the wound, and she would tell him about the rash than. He would have to decide whether it was necessary to change his treatment. she attached the chart to the bed again. She slit her pen into her pocket and left the room.

She asked Regina to find her mister Jordan's files again. Von wanted to double check to make sure he wasn't allergic to any medicine, for example the antibiotics he was on to fight the inflammation of his right foot.

She was busy going over the files when the alarm went off. It came from room six.

"Cardiac arrest!"

Von was the closest. Torn between what was tight and what was easy, she finally ran in to help. She had to help him. She would never forgive herself if he died.

Luke stormed in as well.

"Give me one milligram of adrenaline, now!"

Von did as she was told and handed him the syringe containing the adrenaline. Bron, apart from Von and Luke the only one present, rolled in the arrest trolley.

"Charge to two hundred!"

Bron took over Von's role. She remained impassive as they began to shock him in order to get back an output.

After seven tries, Luke was ready to give up. The man's heart seemed to have stoped permanently.

"No!" Von yelled. She could not believe this. After everything that had happed he was leaving her? Just as he had done back then? How could he?!

She was so frustrated that she did the only thing she could think of. She hit his chest with her fist.

The machine started beeping again. He had regained an output. Confussed and scared, Von watched as he opened his eyes. He saw her.

"V… Von?"

She nodded.

"Yes, Ray. It's me."

"I… I'm…"

Von put a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him.

"Shh, I know. I'm sorry, too."

Luke and Bron silently left the room. In all those years they had known Von, they had never seen her getting this involved with a patient. There was something more going on, a deeper band than anyone could have seen or predicted.

They had one last look at the woman they had known for so long. She had pulled up a chair and was sitting next to Ray's bed.

What they failed to see, was how Von took Ray's hand in hers and felt his forehead with the other.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Second and immediately final chapter! I hope you liked it! Please let me know, because I have an idea for a Frank/Von one and an Elizabeth/Frank one. Let me know which one you like most! Or maybe I should do them both?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own All Saints. Never have and never wil…**

**Chapter two**

A few days passed by. Von arrived early for her shift every morning, so she was able to spend a little time with Ray before she had to begin working. And everyone could see how both Von and Ray bloomed in each other's company.

Ray was healing amazingly quick. If he continued like this, he would make a full recovery. They kept an eye on him non-the-less, though, because he still needed a lot of rest.

And of course everyone was trying to find out how exactly he and Von knew one another. What kind of a relationship they really had , or had had. But when they asked him about that, he mere said:

"You should ask Von that."

And they did, fruitlessly. She only told them she wasn't ready yet to talk about it. Many times she added a plea for them to understand, or to at least respect the choice she had made. After getting the same answer a couple of times, the nurses and NUM of Ward Seventeen decided enough was enough. When time was right, she would tell them.

Wednesday morning Ray was allowed to leave the hospital. Von had changed shifts so she could help Ray get to her house, where he would be staying as long as he needed to. Together they left the Ward, and Von drove them both home.

When they got there, she ushered Ray inside. She insisted he sat down on the couch and took it easy while she got suitcase, containing the only belongings he had, out of the car and into her spare room.

It only took her ten minutes to het said room ready to be used. She took the liberty to hang his two shirt and the few pants he had brought with him in the closet, hoping he would take the hint she did not want him to leave any time soon.

A little while later they were both sitting on the couch. Silence lingered between them, but it was not in the least uncomfortable. Suddenly, though, Ray broke the silce.

"You're sorry as well?" he asked.

Von looked right into his eyes and nodded.

"Yes. Very much so."

"How come?"

"Because after you, I did not allow men into my heart anymore. I fought to keep them away, I didn't want to get to know them because I was afraid of getting hurt again. But most of all, I…"

She was looking at her knees now, hesitating to go on. But she found the courage to do so after a few moments.

"But most of all because I still loved you. Still love you."

She didn't dare looking at him, fearing his reaction. He remained quiet. She became more and more nervous as the minutes passed by. She needed to know.

It was no surprise that her heart missed a beat when he cupped her chin and turned her face towards his.

"I'm sorry, too…. My heart bled when I saw you through the window of that train, tear-stained and eyes red and swollen. I wanted to go back, but I kept telling myself I was only imagining this. I did not have any other feelings for my best friend's widow than friendship, I shouldn't and couldn't have. It was wrong. Now I understand I hurt you more than I could have ever imagined. And John wouldn't have wanted me to do that. How can I ever make up?"

Smiling broadly after hearing Ray say all of this, she said:

"You just have."

She put her arms around his neck, and when his arms closed around her, she felt safe in a man's embrace for the first time in many years.

* * *

The driveway was full of parked cars of friends, and not everybody had yet arrived. Outside, in the garden, were those who had. And in the living room, Ray was watching them.

He was feeling a little nervous, but apart from that he was doing great. Von had invited everyone over today, and they were about to inform them of their relationship, both that of the present and the relationship of the past.

More people were arriving and making their way to the garden. At five past seven Von walked in.

"Are you ready?" she asked him.

He nodded. He got up and took her hand in his. When the others saw them coming out hand in hand, all pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell into place.

Ray now stood behind Von, his arms securely around her waist. Von placed her hands over his. Because they all saw them like this, an explanation was only needed when the question arose why Von had reacted the way she had.

And that is why Von told them a story. A story only Terry had heard before, and not completely.

She explained to them how Ray had helped her through the difficult time after her husband's death. How after nearly a year and a half they had fallen in love. But both of them had thought this was wrong. How she had changed her mind when Ray had left by train and had disappeared from her live without telling her where he was going.

At this point in the story Ray's arms closed even more firmly around her, as if he was wordlessly trying to tell her he would never leave her again.

Von continued, telling them how much she had missed Ray, and that that had been the reason she had never completely trusted man anymore.

The all listed with great interest. This story shed a completely different light on the woman they worked with every day. They also got to know her past, something she had always kept hidden.

When she was finished, Terry raised her glass.

"Let's bring a toast. To love lost and found again."

All the others lifted their glasses as well and repeated after her. Von and Ray looked at each other and felt happier than they had been those long, passed years.

And that happiness never abided. Not even for a second.


End file.
